There had been a posting on the local theatrical callboard for “Caucasian guys, aged late thirties to early forties” for a Public Service Announcement, and I thought to myself, “Why I am am a man from Caucasia! And I am also in my late thirties to early forties! Why not give it a shot?” So I called the number and left a message.
They called back while I was at work (with no cell reception), and were the first people to call after I’d set up my iPhone to go straight to Google Voice instead of the standard voicemail, so I got an email with a transcription of their call before I heard the actual message, and Google Voice’s transcription is still just a li’l bit wonky, but they do a good job with numbers, so I managed to call back and make an appointment for an audition. Which was yesterday.
I showed up at the studio, filled out the form and issued a set of sides for the commercial, had a quick headshot taken (I was wearing this, which I would have taken to calling my “Brad Pitt ensemble” based on how my students described me in it but may relabel—read on to discover why), and escorted back to the green room (which had an awesome vintage pinball machine) to study lines and get all nervous. Several other men from Caucasia were similarly escorted back to the room, including the fellow who played Sweeney Todd when we did that show over a year ago, so we had a few moments of catching up before I was called to do my bit for the camera.
I walked into the chilly room with an overhead boom mic in front of a plain white backdrop and a fixed camera rig positioned at about waist level, with cue card set below it (whew!) and rehearsed the bit a couple of times before we filmed two takes of it.
I don’t know if I’m at liberty to say what the PSA is for, but I’ve done a bit of research into it, and I will divulge the following facts about the program:
- It involves a Republican Governor using federal stimulus money that he’d previously hinted he might reject.
- The way were instructed to read the name of the program sounds makes it sound like a Microsoft product, but I’m pretty sure we were supposed to say the name of the state involved. The number of S’s involved in the program’s name, especially in one fo the lines, made this a tongue-twister par excellence after three or four times through, until they told me to change how I was saying it.
- Program money cannot be used to hire strippers.
The PSA itself involved my playing a guy at a gas pump, discussing a few benefits and details of the program, and giving out a phone number for more information at the end. Nothing too taxing, but I was told that I moved my head too much for camera work, so I tried to tone that down before we actually recorded the bit. They told me that I had a pretty good look on camera, and that I resembled an “older Ashton Kutcher,” which adds one more name to the long, long list of celebrity lookalikes I’ve acquired (for those keeping score at home: Dennis Quaid, Tom Hanks, Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, Dylan Walsh, Tom Green (!), and, as previously mentioned, Brad Pitt). Beyond concentrating on not moving my head, the most difficult bit was making sure I didn’t hold the prop gas pump right in front of my junk.
I’m pretty sure that would have been bad.
I did my two takes, was told I’d done a fine job (I’d asked them to be gentle, as it was my first time—so they may have been being nice about it), headed back to the green room to wish Sweeney a good audition (and to let him know there was definitely a cue card), and headed out. I don’t necessarily expect to hear anything, but it would definitely be cool if I did.
I don’t know if they’ll look kindly on my ad-libbing “this money cannot be used to hire strippers,” though.
