Lately I’ve been feeling slightly lost and disconnected, distant and locked away. I’m staying busy, generally, but it seems like even when I’m in a crowd of friends I’m uncommunicative and distracted, thinking about something else. It’s difficult to know if I’m having a minor crisis of existence, a touch of the ol’ seasonal affective disorder, or if I’m just lonely. It probably doesn’t help that my job gets me negative feedback from kids every single day, and discouragement from the top-level administration pretty regularly (it’s not specific to me—the culture of motivation is all stick and no carrot here).
Usually when I’m feeling like this it helps to shift focus away from myself, to do something constructive and community-based, or to try to help someone out—it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when other folks are telling you thanks for being good and sharing what you’ve got (talent, money, or love), but this week especially many of those efforts have been thwarted by circumstance, and I’m feeling discouraged and unnecessary.
A few friends have been really good about reaching out, and keeping the lines of communication open, in spite of the fact that I’m not much fun to be around, for which I’m greatly appreciative.
I’m sure it’ll pass. It always has.
